Divorce has many casualties but none so great as the children born into the broken union. In some ways our marriage was atypical. In others, very much what someone would expect from two people dissolving a marriage. We were atypical in the fact that Steve and I loved each other deeply. I never really knew how much I loved him until I had to fight so hard to not love him. Well, thats not exactly correct, I have to work hard at loving him like God loves him. I have to work as hard at un-loving him like a wife loves her husband. We were atypical in that we never screamed or shouted at each other. It just wasn't our make up. For sure we'd disagree many times, and it'd get intense, but never the screaming matches that I hear so many couples in bad marriages have.
Unfortunately, we were typical in the fact that our marriage ended because of broken promises and deceit. Theres just not adequate words to express the pain thats inflicted on both the spouses and children. One that I use over and over is 'heartbroken'. I can remember when I told one of my sons that I was divorcing Steve, he said "So, Dad cheated on you?" I was stunned. But its a testimony to the knowledge my son had about scriptural divorces. I asked him how he knew Dad had cheated on me? "Because I know you'd only divorce Dad if it was a scriptural divorce, and the only scriptural divorce I know of is if somebody cheats." All of this from a 16 year old kid. Heartbroken.
With my other son, when I talked to him about the divorce, his first words were "I thought it was forever..." My response was "Me, too." See? Heartbroken. So when the scriptures say God hates divorce I know what that hate feels like. Sadly, too many people in the church (and outside, for that matter) know exactly what it means to hate divorce. Divorce is something to hate.
Its been almost three years since Steve and I divorced and I'm just now coming to terms with it. I pray that God heals my sons for the impact that it's made on them and how it will affect their marriages. I pray that all four of us get to a place of healing.
God is good....God grieves over broken marriages.
