My new space

Come see me here, I've moved. www.godmovesmountains.blogspot.com

When there's nothing to say...

What do you say when there's nothing to say? I think the answer is 'nothing'.

I've been writing on this blog for years, and 265 posts later, there has come a quiet, peaceful place that leaves me with the apparent approval from the Holy Spirit to bring it to a close. I've loved the journey, I've met some unbelievable people because of it, and most importantly, God has used it as a means to my healing.

When you've spent your entire life feeling like you have no power and no control, you have to have an outlet and Living in Balance has been the vehicle to give voice to a hurt and abandoned soul. But what I hadn't counted on was the time when the blog would end.

To be honest, I walked this walk for the past 4 years totally in faith. In the beginning the only thing I knew was searing pain and the knowledge to fight hard to get out of it. I was unsure that God really lived in my life, moved in my life and talked to me. I now have the confidence of a new, and deeply emotional truth that God is alive and intimately involved in my choices and future.

The inventory process of our lives is the beginning of knowing God and healing. Living in Balance has hopefully documented to you my pain and then true healing. There are also places of my heart that will never see the light of day. Places where words don't exist, just emotions and hurts, maybe one day God will see fit that those dark places are revealed. Most of those dark places would be painful for friends and family to know. Besides, I think there comes a time to move on and respectfully put those events to rest. For me, they have the potential to be a foothold for the Dark Enemy and I guard my new found faith against the things he may use against me.

So, precious friends, this is the last of my postings on Living in Balance. I'll not close the blog so it sits quietly for others who may find it helpful to their journey. But the writing here has ended. I have a sense that a new blog is in the future, where and when is unknown, so I'll wait for God to reveal. In the meantime, I return to school and eventually move on to a new career of counseling others who need a soft place to fall. I'm confident that God is blessing my decision to enter into a unique ministry for hurting people.

In closing. its my prayer that God blesses you as He has blessed me. When I began, my faith was small, my God in a box. But now, He is a powerful, amazing force who loves me without end.

I love you all.

God is good...God's love immeasurable!

~~Jo Ann

Trust me....

"Mackenzie, I know that your heart is full of pain and anger and a lot of confusion. Together, you and I, we'll get around to some of that while you're here. But I also want you to know that there is more going on than you could imagine or understand, even if I told you. As much as you are able, rest in what trust you have in me, no matter how small, okay? The Shack.

I often wonder if others beside myself struggle with trust. When you've been deeply, painfully hurt by deceit of an unfaithful mate, trust left you a long time ago. I entered my marriage with such innocence. I can remember thinking, upon hearing of a friend from high school getting a divorce because of his wife's adultery, 'Steve may do many things in his life, but cheating on me isn't one of them'. How wrong I was.

What trust I had in people was blown away. The character in The Shack, Mackenzie, also struggles with trust. His daughter murdered, his anger and pain called The Great Sadness. How I can relate to Mack. There are so many key passages of the book that strike my heart, most of them about pain, trust and love. "Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved. Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me".

One of my prayers for along time has been that God help me to build trust in those He sends who are trustworthy. What I underestimated was His building trust in our relationship, God's and mine. That through the testing of my love for Him, He slowly built trust in my heart for a New God.

Its a process of risking and trusting. Is it a risk to trust God? Sometimes. The challenge is to take the leap of faith, listen to Him, and not be so worried of the outcome. I've done it my way for too long, and I've lived on that hamster wheel of life, but no more. Every day, I give to God, to work His will and pray that I'm worthy of the challenges and blessings He's offering.

God is good....God whispers, 'Trust me...'

Precious Cat...

A very special day for a very special girl. Catherine made the biggest decision she'll ever make ... she gave her life to Christ, baptised into the grace and forgiveness only His blood can provide. How much she has grown since I took this picture. Now a young woman, coming into the most amazing time of her life.

Cat, JoJo loves you so much! I love your heart. I love your gentle spirit. I love the way you create art, the way you seek to help others. I see Jesus when I see you.

I'm so very proud of you and as you grow in your faith, I can't wait to see how God uses your love and gift for serving Him!

May you grow in faith and wisdom. I love you forever....

God is good....God loves Catherine!

...whatta ya want to know?

A friend and I were talking yesterday about how God has changed us over the past year. He's been "stuck" as he described. I can so relate to that. That led to the question of "if you could change how you handled the past year, what would you change? His answer? "I sold God short..."

How often do we do that? God is all Power and how often I limit Him. I found myself saying out loud, "if I'd known then what I know now, I wouldn't have done what I did..." Its not so much with regret, but its easy to spend energy on trying to figure out what God's doing in our life and in the meantime, He waits. Wasted energy holds me back from trusting God and allowing Him to work with me and grasp His blessings.

Do I focus my energy on knowing "the end of the movie"?? Do I demand God reveals His plan before I allow Him to take me there? Then what is obediance? God calls us to not worry about tomorrow. It's been a challenge to sit and wait on God but I've learned that there is a very, VERY clear message of action when I wait and have discernment with God's plan.

I want to have the faith and trust in Him. Like Richard has said a million times....its all a process.

God is good...God knows everything I don't.

...all about freedom

It all comes down to the continual building of a relationship with God.

"Because you don't believe. You don't know that we love you. The person who lives by their fears will not find freedom in my love. I am not talking about rational fears regarding legitimate dangers, but imagined fears, and especially the projection of those fears into the future. The the degree that those fears have a place in your life, you neither believe I am good nor know how deep in your heart that I love you. You sing about it; you talk about it but you don't know it."

"I'm not interested in prisoner. Only I can set you free, Mackenzie, but freedom can never be forced. ... you don't even comprehend that freedom is an incremental process" The Shack.

All of us live in self imposed prisons. And almost always imprisoned because of our fears. The question I ask is what is so much more important, what keeps us in the prison, the fear that Christ can't release us?

I read recently that the one with the most power is those who have nothing to lose. God will always call us to let go of the things, the relationships that mean more to us than He does. I know of people who have lost everything; home, family, jobs, financial ruin, that turn around and say its the best thing that has ever happened to them.

Now thats true freedom. Free to follow where God leads. Its in following Him, we begin to grasp that Satan, truly, cannot touch us. What prison have you built?

God is good...God's grace gives indescribable freedom.

...was the son of a Preacher Man

I've grown close to a group of men and women who are in Christ's work of ministry. It's be an interesting and sometimes painful look into what its like to feel the call of ministry and yet struggle with so many of today's issues. I am especially sensitive to these great leaders as I face my return to school next spring and work the next few years on my undergrad in psychology and then on to graduate school in Marriage and Family Therapy. This has been a dream of mine for all my life. God appears to be blessing this dream.

With my goal realized, I hope one day to council men and women who are in the ministry. During a recent conversation with an associate minister, I posed the question, "Who councils the councilor? Who ministers to those in the ministry"? His answer surprised me. He said, "Jo Ann, I've been a caretaker all my life. Part of this is due to my family of origin and living with severely dysfunctional parents, part of this is due to my God given gift of ministry and counseling. However, when you ask 'who councils the councilor?' I have to say I do. Yes, I have to find my own way of self therapy. My family is very used to me caretaking, of being the strong one, that they rarely tell me to take time for myself. So I have to work hard at finding my own way to relax, to remember to take care of myself".

His answer truly surprised me. Have we as a church come to a place where we don't see our ministers as regular folks with extraordinary challenges? I think we often set lofty goals and unrealistic expectations of our church ministers. We as church members often set them on a pedestal and see them as someone who "does" God easier than we do. We assume that they are immuned to the challenges we also face.

I'm hopeful the work that I do in future includes assisting elders and church ministers to not just be good caretakers, but to nurture and grow their own intimate relationship with God.

God is good....God honors those who minister to us.