Surviving....

Have I said lately how grateful, overjoyed, OVER THE MOON happy I am that God is moving and breathing in my life? Its one of those life defining moments (hello Dr. Phil) that I can look back and see God carried me for 30 years. The footprints in the sand was Him carrying me. And now? Now He's put me down and said "Let's walk together! You're strong enough to walk now!" Being strong enough to walk on the sand is pretty awesome.

I've never lived like this. When you live as a survivor in constant defensive mode, sword and shield in hand, you loose the ability to enjoy things. Life is painful, and you're just grateful that your emotionally alive at the end of the day, only to get up and start it all over. I can vividly remember Richard (my God-sent councilor) asking years go "What do you want Steve to do, what can Steve do for you?" And folks, that was one of the rare times I had no answer. Blew my mind. "What can Steve do?" I was so perplexed that I told Richard I'd have to get with him later.

The next week, he asked me again, "What can Steve do?" And the answer, "He can stop hurting me." (tears). I'd been in so much pain, hurt so deeply, that all I could come up with was "Just tell him to stop hurting me."

You see, I lived my life mentally and emotionally guarding myself. And it robbed me from being able to see Jesus, to feel God, to know He was close to me. I went to bed, surviving....I woke up, with the goal of surviving. My heart hurts for who that woman was.

So when I say that God is moving, breathing, working His Plan in my life today, I can't say that without weeping tears of profound thanks and joy. God rewarding and heaping blessings on my head for surviving.

Tonight, please pray for women who are in bad marriages, being abused whether physically, mentally or emotionally by their husbands. Please pray that God remove them from the pain and torment of a destructive marriage.

God is good....God sees everything.